At Journey's End
A tale of where we come from
Humans. If I had eyes, I would have rolled them.
I hovered over the old man, weighing his soul against others I had delivered. Another complicated jigsaw puzzle for me to solve and he was missing even more pieces than the last few. I pried into the darkness of his soul, hunting for the slightest thread of light that remained.
The old man dug into his trench coat pocket, pulled out a fistful of seeds, and scattered them. Pigeons flocked, eyeing him, heads jerking with each wary step. As soon as their beaks touched the ground, he stomped. Wings slapped the air in a frantic burst of feathers. All the while he sat there chuckling. “Stupid birds.”
People tormented creatures smaller than themselves. I’d given up on figuring that out. Charles Thoroughgood Whitmore the Third. A mouthful to me. Chuck suited him better.
He perched on a bench in a quaint city park, flawless sunshine and all. Guess the Ferryman wanted my assignment to come with a scenic view. How thoughtful of him.
Without reading the file, I could see the trouble Chuck would bring. He would resist. Darkness tinged that prune face and those vacant eyes… if death was a test, he’d surely fail. I couldn’t force him to get on the ferry, of course. Free will and all that.
Who was I to be so judgmental?
Death’s reaper, one of many.
Not that the title mattered. I’d done this for seven millennia, nothing got past me, yet each soul assigned to me grew harder and harder to deliver. As if the Ferryman wanted me to fail.
Mortals had spun tales about the River Styx, never getting it quite right. I was once told, “almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.” I liked the saying. It suited my line of work. Almost never counted. The job seemed simple enough on the surface. But no one told me about the baggage souls carried. The weight that made them refuse to move on. They were a grenade without the pin, and my fingers were growing numb.
But the Ferryman had his rules, rules I had to follow. No matter how much I loathed them. Escorting souls to the ferry was easy enough. A mere handoff, nothing more really. But if they refused… It got messy. My failure meant they’d become ghosts. Mindless and angry, wandering Earth for all eternity. That was a mercy compared to what happened to us reapers.
Failure equaled erasure. Just wiped from existence. On a beautiful day like this, no less. I had seen it happen before. Some reapers failed. Others simply vanished. Quit, I assumed, for reasons I didn’t understand. Perfect weather for it. The Ferryman would find the irony amusing, I bet.
I wasn’t going out like that. Most reapers didn’t last fifty years, only a few existed for a hundred. The last two souls I’d escorted nearly chose to be ghosts. But I convinced them at the last moment, just barely.
Studying Chuck, I searched for the slightest hint of how to convince him to come with me. With his death looming in an hour, I had to act, and fast, or his end would be mine as well.
Whistling caught my attention from the other side of a row of blossoming cherry trees. A young boy strolled down the path carrying a stick. His red curls sparked in the sunshine, dancing like embers with every buoyant bounce. Unlike the old man, this lad had a sunny smile. Even with the black eyepatch, he had more light beaming from him than that old man had likely shone in decades.
The kid leaned on the stick, aiding his walk. Simple play to me.
But not Chuck. He fumed.
His toupee flapped in the breeze as he grumbled, jabbing his cane onto the sidewalk. Each snap, sharper than the last, enough to make the boy flinch.
I would’ve reacted the same if I were mortal.
“You mocking me?” The old man’s words hit hard, dimming the boy’s light. “Well, I’m not laughing. Have some respect.”
Dogs barked somewhere. Children laughed nearby. A young couple passed, fingers interlaced, smiling at each other. Too ordinary. Too perfect. I wasn’t falling for the distraction. Chuck was all that mattered.
“Well?” The old man snarled, leaning forward. “Are you gonna apologize or not?”
To him, the boy was nothing… same as those pigeons.
Sunlight glinted off the slicky-slide as the boy lifted his eyepatch and stared at the old man like he was solving a puzzle. His face brightened once more. “I’d never make fun of you, sir. Pawpaw uses a cane.” He waved the stick. “This is my sword. I’m a pirate.”
The old man blinked, and his expression shifted. Not just smoothing of his wrinkles, but something stirring, subtle and soul deep. As if a sunbeam shattered the gloomy gray cloud that engulfed him. He stared at the boy for a moment, his gaze grew distant. Like a memory resurfacing, and a faint smile appeared.
Seeing the light rip through the weariness that hugged him could mean only one thing, it was painful but tainted with hidden bliss. I could work with this, find a way to brighten Chuck’s dim light.
“A pirate, you say.” With a slow nod, he stroked his chin. “A good pirate never puts the tip of his sword on the ground like that. Hold it firm, hold it high.”
The boy snapped to attention and saluted. “Yes sir, I will!” He bolted across the grass toward the children huddled around the swings.
Chuck snickered, barely audible, but a snicker all the same. One child’s fantasy and the old man melted like he’d found meaning.
Although… I’d be lying if I said watching that little face light up didn’t do something weird to my nonexistent heart. The Ferryman would never assign me someone like him, no, that’d be too easy.
The kid made my job easier; he tapped into the last glimmering source of light amongst all the darkness in Chuck’s soul. That would come in handy.
Normally, I observed the mortal world and waited for a soul to be freed from their vessel at death. But given the extent of darkness in Chuck’s soul, desperate measures were required.
A middle-aged woman’s form suited me best, giving the appearance of being non-threatening. So, I shaped myself into someone nurturing, almost motherly. The old man couldn’t resist what he trusted. With my choice made, I drew my essence taut, folding inward into a bead of energy and squeezed myself into a human vessel.
I’d guided emperors and peasants, thieves and soccer moms, absorbing their speech patterns and idioms. Mimicry came easy to me. Understanding them… not so much. Still, I was good at my job. Damn good. Exceptional even.
Every oppressive step betrayed me, so heavy, so clumsy. Me, I’d go insane confined to a meat suit like this. No wonder mortals distracted themselves with gadgets. Seeking relief from gravity’s constant tyranny, I trudged to the far side of the bench. “Mind if I sit here?”
Chuck flicked his hand dismissively as his gaze stayed locked on the children. “It’s a free country.”
Sounded like permission, at least close enough. I eased onto the seat, wrestling with muscles in a body two sizes too small. When I tried crossing my legs, my arms folded instead, jerking awkwardly. Pathetic. I’d forgotten how difficult the human form could be, but in my defense, it had been two thousand years since the last time. Making this meat suit obey would take time, time which I didn’t have.
He shot me a side-eyed glare.
Perfect. My luck, I’d fall flat on my face when I got up. I kept my attention on the boys, if only to avoid further embarrassment while I dreamed up something witty to say.
Nothing. This mortal brain was already failing me.
Chuck pretended to watch the birds, but whenever the children’s laughter swelled, his eyes betrayed him, flicking their way.
“Beautiful day, isn’t it?” I hadn’t thought of a name. “I’m Alexandria.” That would have to do, this brain was too slow, too simple.
Chuck scattered more seeds, watching the pigeons with the same suspicion they gave him. He didn’t even bother looking at me. “Charles Thoroughgood Whitmore the Third.” Pride sharpened every syllable.
He probably had monogrammed handkerchiefs as well. I tried to roll my eyes and in doing so, I winked. Great. That was all I needed, him assuming I was flirting.
“I was wondering.” I turned to face him. “Wouldn’t it be nice to be a child again? I mean, look at how carefree they are, just laughing and playing.”
Some people carried a weight so heavy that it anchored them to the world. He was no different. If I was to save him, reaching the child buried within might crumble his walled-off soul. I only hoped there would still be enough light left inside him.
As he watched the children, a spark flared in his dull gray eyes. He gave the slightest nod of his timeworn head, white and frozen like a marble bust. A stark foil to the boy’s bright, bouncing curls.
“The real question is…” I leaned in. “Would you?”
I had an old trick. If he said yes, I would use it.
Chuck tightened his grip on his cane and finally looked at me. “No chance in hell I’ll ever get that back.” A faint smile snuck across his lips. “But yeah… it would be nice… I suppose.”
Good enough.
I wasn’t forcing him into the afterlife, just tipping the scales. Bending the rules, not breaking them. Maybe giving him a taste of youth might crumble that wall he’d built. Sure, the plan could backfire, but with forty-five minutes left, this was my best choice.
Siphoning both light and dark energy, I targeted Chuck.
My eyelids twitched while I forced them shut. The air crackled around me. The seams between the two realms frayed. Power surged through every nerve, threatening to tear this body apart. I struggled to restrain the intensity, barely guiding the storm as it erupted and swallowed him whole.
Reality and time rippled, unraveling in a shimmer.
Seven millennia and this trick still gave me a thrill.
The clock rolled backward. Chuck’s stature shrank. His skin smoothed, plumping with youth, blooming pink with life. White hair restored to glossy black, smooth and renewed.
I dressed him for play — sneakers, jeans, T-shirt. Not high-waisted slacks and a buttoned-down shirt fastened at the collar, tucked in, of course, with a sweater vest beneath his trench coat. Practical but outdated. Fashion. Another baffling human obsession.
At first, he didn’t even notice.
But when he did, the blood drained from his face. His small hands patted himself frantically. “What… what have you done?” His mouth hung open and eyes widened, startled by his childish voice.
“You’re welcome.” I lifted my chin.
“But how… why?” He spun, looking up at me, panic flooding his eyes.
“Relax. I’m giving you a chance to enjoy youth again.” I inhaled, keeping calm. This had to work.
His eyes narrowed in that familiar glare. “What… What are you?” He drew a shaky breath. “A witch?”
I’d learned it was best to rip the bandage off. “Close. I’m your reaper. Here to take you to the afterlife.”
After arguing with young Chuck, wasting valuable time, I had finally convinced him to go and play with the others. At first, I thought him shy, but no, just stubborn. He joined them after some coaxing from the other children.
With thirty minutes until his death, I had to know if my idea was working or not. So joining him was the logical answer.
My essence leaked from this meat suit, stretching across the park. Energetic tendrils integrated me into him, allowing access of his mind. My eyes sealed shut, shifting to the link, fuzzy at first, but the blur lifted.
I tagged along inside the old man’s head.
Sticks clashed in friendly sparring. Each strike rocked his muscles, the vibrations shooting up his arms. But he held his own as the redheaded boy tried hard to land a whack. Chuck defended. Giving me the impression it came easy, no wonder, with those many years of wisdom balled up into a child, he had an unfair advantage. My plan was working.
The scrimmage halted when the oldest boy whistled. He balanced atop the merry-go-round, motioning for everyone to join him.
“Come on, Chuck, captain’s waiting.” Redhead lowered his stick and hurried by.
“Ugh. It’s Charles.” He sighed as the boy bounced away giggling, ignoring the correction. But he followed the boy to where they were gathering, and I couldn’t have been prouder seeing him relax a little, shedding the darkness surrounding his soul even if only a small amount of light beamed through.
The oldest boy among them cleared his throat. He pointed his stick at them and waved it side to side, nice and slow. “Arrr, I be Captain Blackbeard. The meanest pirate to ever sail the seven seas. You lot will make a fine crew. We be’s after a ship. One of legend. The light of the sea. Few have lived to speak of its wealth. Tons of treasure, just ready for the takin’.” He raised his stick skyward. “Who’s with me?”
While everyone cheered, a tingle spread throughout Chuck’s gut, doubling with every whoop and holler. Another new experience, a rare one for me. As was my invading the human mind. I didn’t think there was a rule against it. And if there was, so be it. What was the worst that could happen?
The children scurried about, fanning out across the playground.
With unusual grace, Blackbeard hopped onto a swing, steadying himself with the chain as he swayed. “Raise the sails, men!”
What I saw was peculiar but endearing. The boys huddled around and pulled on what I could only guess were imaginary ropes. Mortals baffled me, never could quite figure them out. And the children, they were the oddest of all. They played games in their own little worlds. For a few moments, they pretended to sail, tugging on invisible rigging and shouting orders like true pirates.
“Captain, I see a ship!” Redhead pointed at the other side of the park.
There was nothing there, only trees and grass.
Chuck rushed to the red-haired boy’s side, staring in the same direction. “I see it, too. Over there!” He pointed straight ahead. “It’s huge! Seven sails and sittn’ low. Must be loaded.”
That tingle returned, striking stronger this time, like electricity radiating from deep down. In all my time, I had never seen humans possess that kind of energy, so I was at a loss. Chuck tightened his grip on the stick, thrusting it toward the ship that I couldn’t see, even while looking through his eyes.
The boys shouted, a steady buzz filled the air.
“Load the cannons!” The captain hopped down from the swings, sprinting over to Chuck and patted us on the back. “Arrr, you be’s our lucky charm.”
Warmth bubbled up in his chest as his face heated. “Arrr, let’s get the treasure.”
All three stared out at the trees, amazement painted across their expressions. No ship for me to see. I pushed deeper into his mind, fusing myself with every neuron. I had to know what I was missing. The boundary between us blurred, losing myself in the depths of his mind, becoming one with him, a mere mortal.
The boys lined up in a neat row like gravestones. Loading cannons? I couldn’t be sure, but the way they lifted an unseen heavy ball and slid it into place, thrusting with an imaginary stick and lighting the invisible fuse, turning their heads and plugging their ears, that was the only explanation.
“Be ready, men. We be’s getting one chance and one chance only.” Blackbeard paced, sharing glances with the boys and across the park to where the alleged ship should be.
“Loaded and ready, sir.” Redhead snapped to attention beside the captain and saluted.
These boys took playtime seriously. At least Chuck was less bitter now. My idea was working. Of course it was. I never failed.
“Ready. Aim… Fire!” Blackbeard sliced his stick through the air.
The sensation returned, every nerve tingled like lightning. His body floated as we ran back — no, as he ran back to where he and Redhead stood moments ago. “Hit! The sails are ablaze!”
“Fire another volley and bring us alongside. Ready your swords you scallywags.” Blackbeard kept a sharp eye on the others, ensuring they obeyed his orders.
As I stared out, an odor materialized. Something sulfuric, like burnt black powder, but that was impossible. The green grass faded to light aqua and rolled into swells, or so it seemed. Salt-laden air nipped at my nostrils. Ocean waves? But how? And there before my eyes, the outline of a ship rippled until solid, bobbing on the whitecaps. On the massive boat, fires blazed across the deck, just as Chuck had said.
A loud cannon blast rocked my ears, unmooring my reality. Yes, an actual cannon blast. Everything I had known as truth shattered and refocused into a new world. Smoke towered into the blue sky. The sights, the smells, all undeniably real.
His chest swelled. “It’s been so long. I never want this to end.” That voice. That was Chuck’s voice, but in my head. No, wait, in his. In ours?
Happy? Was that it? Emotions? I didn’t want them. So foreign. So mystifying. But that flutter in his chest, the lightness in his step… So addictive.
My mind splintered between his head and mine. Back on the bench my body twitched, arms spasming as my fingers dug into the wooden slats while at the same time the stick’s rough bark bit into Chuck’s palm.
What was the purpose of all these emotions? Addiction? Hunger? I’d watched humans chase this through every vice imaginable. Never understanding why. Now I knew. And I wanted more. I forced the connection tighter and deeper. Refusing to let go.
The pirate ship bobbed alongside the legendary Light of the Sea. Swords clenched in tiny hands, the boys swung across, landing on the deck. A fierce battle ensued. Metal clanged together as blade met blade.
Chuck, too, sailed through the air, cutting through the billowing smoke and rolling onto the deck.
I merged with him so deeply that I lost where he began and I ended.
Men swarmed from all sides. We dodged two from behind. Our blade sliced through another’s arm, leaving him screaming in agony. From the right, one came at us, a quick roll and a stab ended his fight. The mainsail collapsed in tattered cloth and ash, taking out two more. We fought valiantly, with the fluidity of seasoned swordsmen, our insides tingled the whole time. Sweat stinging our eyes and in the back of our throats, the tinge of copper coated adrenaline.
The battle ebbed and flowed. Countless numbers of men kept coming, there were so many that we nearly lost. But when our leader arrived, the tide turned. After a few blows, the opposing captain dropped his sword and threw his hands up. Everyone cheered, tossing hats into the air.
This must be what living life to the fullest was like. In seven thousand years, I hadn’t experienced anything like it. The hammering of my heart against my ribcage, the vivid colors, even the smells were stronger.
“We be bloody rich men!” Blackbeard held the edge of his steel to the neck of the defeated foe on his knees.
“The legend is true, and look there…” Redhead pointed to a plaque fixed to the quarterdeck. “Her name is Serena’s Light.”
The temperature thinned and plunged, as if reality remembered something I didn’t.
Her name echoed through his consciousness like a prayer… Serena.
That was when my nose caught the scent of lilac drifting on the wind. The laughter faded. A woman appeared, standing alone. The boys blurred as her gaze turned Chuck’s way. She reached out to him. Her auburn hair flowed in the breeze, her dress pale as foam under moonbeams. The wind stilled, and even the sea calmed.
She smiled, soft and caring. In an instant, the wind took her, scattering her into shards of light.
His sword clattered on the deck as he reached out, grabbing at empty air. “Come back…”
A different kind of warmth washed through him, sharper, more urgent than the tingly electricity of play. It deepened into something more. Something timeless. I’d witnessed this before, pooling in the eyes of the dying, their last words for someone they too had loved.
Memories flickered through his mind. Pictures of a lifetime fired in rapid succession, landing on one final image. It was a white coffin surrounded by flowers. Inside lay a beautiful lady, the same woman from moments ago, peacefully asleep. No, not asleep. An empty vessel. That remembrance splintered me before I could brace for it.
The emotion that bloomed in my — in his — chest wasn’t pleasure of play or novelty. This was deeper. More agonizing. It was the ache of absence made tangible, a heaviness that somehow, he carried for so many years. It rose inside him, inside me.
Love was grief wearing a smile, as if it were one truth wearing two faces.
The glow of those two souls struck like colliding stars, shining too bright for mortal eyes. The weight proved too much. My connection wobbled, going all staticky, nearly breaking under the burden.
From inside Chuck’s mind, the shock hit me hard. Such pain, such longing, echoing across all eternity and fracturing my connection. Across the park on the bench, my body buckled, knees hitting grass, numbness pouring through me. Was it screaming? Sobbing? Both?
Seven millennia of nothingness and now this. A love so vast it had its own shadow, always lingering, never leaving. A grief so pure it rooted deep, reaching into forever. I was drowning in what it meant to love someone. To have lost someone. To know he lost her and still loved her anyway.
I’d seen this in the last gasps of dying men and women. That particular tremor in their voice when they spoke the names of those they too had lost.
Only seeing it. Until now. I lived his pain as if it were mine.
The park dissolved. The battle, the ship, the boys, all of it faded to nothing beside this one, terrible but beautiful truth. This was why people fought so hard to stay alive. Not for the moments of joy. For this. For a love that persisted even in memory. Even in death.
My body slumped on the ground, and I had to return before he arrived. I disconnected my tendrils of energy from Chuck.
In an instant, all my essence snapped back. Disoriented, my head spun. My chest emptied with a cough as I pulled myself up, returning to the seat. Despite that, something remained, a fragment of Chuck’s… No, Charles’ love refused to leave. It sat in my core, heavy and real. Wetness streaked down my cheeks. I wiped the dampness away, but the tears kept rolling relentlessly. For the first time in existence, I was crying.
“I’m ready, let’s get this over with.” Little Charles appeared before me with eyes trained on the ground.
I pulled myself together and undid my magic. In a snap, the boy in front of me morphed into an elderly man.
Charles turned and flopped onto the seat. When he looked at me, that calmness dwelling in him was still etched onto his face. “Will Serena be there?”
I cleared the lump from my throat. “She will. And she remembers everything, Charles. Everything.”
His gaze drifted back to the boys saying their goodbyes as they scattered across the park and faded out of sight. Silence strangled the air as if the world held its breath, waiting for his death to come. That frozen marble bust expression returned, and despair laced his eyes.
Strange. Why wasn’t he more excited? He was about to reunite with the love he had lost. His crossing over was a mere formality at this point.
My time ended, and so did his. It was time for him to die. But I snapped my fingers, sparing him the agony of death. Another first, I had never done that before.
Charles bounced to his feet, smiling. He flapped his arms and kicked his legs with childlike amusement.
“Look at me!” He chuckled as he hopped on one foot. “I feel great. No more arthritis.” When he spun around, he halted at the sight of his body slumping on the bench. “Oh…”
The air went hollow, each breath a shallow echo.
I slipped on my mask of confidence. “Have a seat. We need to talk.”
His dull gray eyes cut straight through me as he sat on the opposite side of the bench, away from his empty shell. “Now what?”
I exhaled long and slow. “That’s for you to decide.”
His eyebrows knitted together. “I’m dead. Nothing to decide.”
I leaned back, stretching my arms out, gliding my finger along the wooden slats. “I can’t make you get onto the ferry, only give you the coins for passage.”
He glanced around the park. “So, I can stay?” He sounded eager.
“Yes. But don’t you want to be with her?” My heart twisted. He had someone he loved more than himself, and she was but a ferry ride away.
His shoulders slouched. He looked away and said nothing.
“The afterlife awaits. She waits.” I tried to glimpse his face to get a read on him, only catching a partial view.
His chin quivered as he wiped his face before turning to meet my gaze. “I can’t go.”
Why was he refusing? Everything I had done assured me he’d cross. When he saw her on the ship, the love was there, stronger than the grief. That alone should have been enough to compel him to go. Not stay.
Charles jumped to his feet, turning to walk away.
I caught his arm. “Wait.” When he looked down at me, my grip relaxed. Those eyes were hurting, even I could see that. “If you don’t want to cross over, I won’t make you. Just sit. Talk to me first.” There was a piece of the puzzle I was missing, and he was slipping through my fingers.
He yanked his arm from my grasp. “Why do you care? It’s not like you have to get on that ferry.”
“I help souls cross over. It’s what I was made for. If you don’t, I’ll be…” I stopped myself just in time. My fate couldn’t influence his decision.
He stared down at me, tilting his head to one side, like he was curious about what I almost let slip. Thankfully, he didn’t ask, but he didn’t run either.
“Please. Sit and stay, just for a moment.” I flashed what I hoped was a warm motherly smile.
Charles eyed me like one of his pigeons, wary but curious, before folding his arms and sitting.
“Right now, everything feels impossible.” I eased beside him, scooting closer. “But if you stay, you’ll be trapped as a ghost. Anger will consume your memories and what’s left of you.”
“I deserve far worse.” His gaze was distant, like he was reliving his past. He lowered his eyes.
“But if you get on the ferry, you keep your memories. Everyone you loved is waiting.” The words came easy. Too easy. The pain of his lingering love knotted in my chest.
He faced me, bottom lip quivering. “What’s the point? They’re better off without me.”
“Living life. The love, the joy. And yes, even the grief. They’re all the point.” My hand hovered over his shoulder, almost human-like. Still, I held back. “I felt what you felt for her. Maybe… that’s worth all the pain?”
“I can’t…” Tears streamed down his cheeks as he turned his back to me.
“Why not? What’s holding you back?” I reached out and gave a gentle squeeze of his arm. Warmth bloomed in my chest.
“She died alone.” His voice cracked. “I should have been there, holding her hand.”
“No, Charles, she wasn’t alone. I or another reaper like me was with her. That’s our purpose. So that no one is alone.” A tear slipped from the corner of my eye.
He glared, nostrils flaring. “That’s not the same. It was supposed to be me. I broke the only promise that mattered.” His shoulders sagged. “I went home to shower and change. When I got back… she was gone.” He sighed after the strain of confession crossed his lips.
“Maybe she waited for you to leave, wouldn’t be the first time. Surely, she’s forgiven you. A love like that wouldn’t hold a grudge.” I reached out and gripped his shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze.
He shook his head, staring at the ground.
“Think of how she feels.” I wiped the tear away.
“If I cross…” He stared at me, voice raw, cheeks still damp. “She’ll see the man who failed her, asking to be forgiven.”
I hesitated. “She’d want you with her.”
He shook his head, slow and deliberate. “She wanted me there then. And I failed.”
I studied him for a long moment. “You’re not afraid of seeing her.”
His breath hitched.
“You’re afraid she’ll see you.” My heart slowed to a near stop.
Silence pressed in.
“You’re not looking for forgiveness.” I waited for his eyes to meet mine. “You want her to remember who you were before that day.”
Charles was choosing not to look at what he’d lost, and I had built an existence around not looking at who the souls were.
I drew in a slow breath, his love still burning in my chest, and reached over, patting his hand, soft and caring. “I understand.”
And for the first time, I did. Honoring his choice was fairer than forcing him to carry more.
I lowered my eyes. “I won’t stop you. You can stay.”
The words flowed out subtle and true. I had convinced souls to cross over, always finding the angle, the pressure point. This time, I couldn’t.
Charles didn’t need convincing. He needed permission to stay broken.
“I’m not supposed to feel what you’re feeling.” I lifted my eyes, meeting his. “But I do. And right now, I won’t pretend crossing would ease what you’re carrying.”
Charles froze and stared back at me.
I gave a nod, opened my portal and stepped through. Gray clouds swirled across an amethyst sky, which met the river on the horizon. Pebbles crunched underfoot as I strolled toward the shoreline where a rickety wooden dock stretched into the river. Though I wanted one last look at Charles, I kept my gaze straight ahead.
At the end waited the ferry. Darkened by millennia, its bow curled into a scrolling knot like a fine violin. Its stern sank low in the slow, dark waters. The Ferryman loomed, cloaked in flowing shadows, silent and motionless, waiting for me. I couldn’t do this anymore, couldn’t bear the burden any longer. Relief washed over me with that admission. Relief at the thought of being done.
From behind, sounds of stones scraping and scrunching together echoed, coming closer. Footsteps?
A hand grabbed my arm, stopping me short of the first wooden plank. I spun to see Charles beaming. I blinked. “What are you doing here?”
“No one ever listened, let alone understood.” His gray eyes were no longer dull but bright and clear.
A million thoughts showered my mind, but I could only come up with one question. “I thought you were staying.”
“So did I. But something you said, well, it got me thinking. If you could see from my perspective… maybe I should see it from hers.” He jauntily scooted the pebbles about with his foot.
“Oh, and what did you see?” I leaned in.
“That I was being selfish, punishing her for my mistake. I hadn’t stopped to think about what she would want. You reminded me of that. Thank you.” He stood a little taller, his chest poked out slightly more than before. “I’m ready.”
I heard his words and still had a hard time accepting them.
The weight of my purse tugged on my side. Reaching in, I pulled out two silver coins. Always two. I held them out. “You’ll need these. One to depart. One to arrive.”
He took them, enthralled by their luster. “What’s it like? The afterlife, that is.”
“I haven’t a clue. The ferry drifts out of sight and returns. I only bring souls here.” I stared at the horizon, wondering what it would be like.
He laughed, light and sudden. “Figures. I’ll have to see for myself.”
I stared at him, still half-lost in the echo of his love, grief, and guilt.
He stepped onto the dock and marched to the end. After he boarded, he glanced back and gave a gentle smile.
Watching him fade into the mist, a warmth rose in my chest, not mine, but borrowed from the life he left behind. The waves whispered, lapping on as if nothing had changed.
Pacing the dock, I waited for the Ferryman’s return, scanning the horizon for any sign of him. Where was he? Even though time didn’t exist here, he’d been gone far too long. My gut twisted into a knot.
Charles’ love seared through my chest, an ember refusing to die, burning ever deeper through what I was.
I froze. I hadn’t returned to my truest form, the one I used to insist on. This meat suit had become comfortable, almost like home. Or was I afraid? Afraid that without this body, those emotions would drain away, and I’d go back to being…
Nothing.
That thing I had been for seven thousand years. But which was worse, ceasing to exist, or watching others have what I never could? Charles had disappeared down the same current I’d sent so many souls down. Somewhere out there, he’d find Serena. They’d have their reunion. Their eternity. Their love made whole again.
And I’d be here. Always here. Ferrying others to connections that I could only experience secondhand. Just one more pebble on the shore.
After seeing through Charles’s eyes, a quiet longing to be human lingered. An ache I could never satisfy. More of this forever. Understanding what I’d never possess. Erasure would be kinder.
Below me, the current undulated under the dock, urging surrender.
The ferry creaked up, wood groaning against the tide, and stopped.
Marching to the edge, I folded my arms and stamped my foot. “No more souls.” Beneath me, the planks groaned as I stood planted with firm resolve. “I’m done! I won’t reap another.”
“Finally.” The Ferryman’s words bellowed across all eternity.
I’d forgotten what the universe sounded like when it spoke.
“Go on, get it over with.” I closed my eyes, clinging to that sentiment still embedded inside my core. The love Charles had for Serena. The perfect emotion to cherish while I was snuffed from existence.
A deep, rumbling chuckle erupted from the Ferryman, reverberating through my entire body.
“What?” My eyelids crept open. Not the response I anticipated. Not being shattered into a million shards and disintegrating. But why?
His form fluttered as the flowing shadows drew back into the black robe. With a shimmer, the dark fabric faded to a dull gray, and in a flash the ashen cloth brightened to a pristine white. All the while, flesh formed, covering his skeletal body. He was no longer death but a living, breathing being, with such beauty and such grace, without rival in all of creation. His warm, soft features beamed with a pale-yellow glow.
When he turned to me, I flinched at such wondrous power.
“You passed.” His words echoed from everywhere with fervent authority.
“Passed what?” I lowered my rebellious gaze. “But I quit. Shouldn’t I be erased?”
He grinned. “I’ve waited a long time for you to empathize with a soul. You showed compassion. Always knew you could, given enough time.” He smiled, all fatherly and caring.
My purse tugged at my side, heavier than usual. I pulled out a single golden coin as it pulsed between my fingers and thumb. Its radiant glow kept time with the heartbeat in my chest. Tingling coursed up my arm and cascaded throughout my body.
The Ferryman extended his hand, motioning me aboard. The same gesture he’d given every soul I had delivered.
One hesitant foot touched the wooden planking. “Where am I going? The afterlife?”
His head tilted. His only answer, an insistent stare from brilliant silvery eyes.
Icy dread sank through me like a stone as he looked not just at me, but deeper, as if reading my every thought or intention. Yearning filled my chest where that ember still burned, and I followed that encouragement onto the ferry.
“Not afterlife. But life. You are born a soul today. Your real journey begins.” He clenched the pole, pushed off, and set us adrift. The current shifted, spinning the ferry the opposite way, heading into a horizon, yawning with dawn.
I had always kept my distance. Always moved on. Life wasn’t a burden but a gift. The coin weighed heavy in my palm — small, solid, full of purpose. I clutched it tight, cherishing the moment, terrified in the most exquisite way.
His glorious robe glowed warmly as he held out his hand. Awaiting payment.
My hand trembled as I paid for my passage. Somewhere out there, Charles and Serena had their forever in the afterlife. And somewhere behind me, another reaper was already being created. The river never stopped flowing.
I lifted my chin to the gilded horizon and sailed into something I had never known…
A life of my own.